The Space Between
Loss doesn’t always happen all at once.
Living in the space between. Photo by Bonnie S. Heisse.
Around 1:00 this morning, Dad showed up at my bedroom door without his walker.
He started to say he wanted something.
Then stopped.
Instead of answering my questions, he stared at the side of my bed.
Then, standing in the doorway, he slowly began to fold in on himself.
I tried to get him to stand back up.
But he kept going.
Knowing he couldn’t safely fall and I couldn’t safely hold him, I helped ease him to the floor and shifted him so he wouldn’t hit his head or shoulder.
Then he lay down in my doorway.
And stayed there.
He wouldn’t tell me what was wrong.
He wouldn’t tell me what he wanted.
Realizing I couldn’t get him up on my own, I called 911.
My concern was that something might be medically wrong.
When someone gets out of bed in the middle of the night, stops communicating, and ends up lying on the floor, that’s not something I can afford to ignore.
Thankfully, it wasn’t a medical emergency.
The relief I felt was immediate.
So was the exhaustion from a night that didn’t include much sleep.
Later that morning, as I made my usual rounds through the house, I started noticing things.
Lights were on.
Fans were running.
There were signs Dad had been moving around the house during the night without any apparent difficulty.
He had gotten out of bed.
Moved from room to room.
Made his way to my bedroom.
Yet once he got onto the floor, he couldn’t get back up.
That’s when it struck me.
Loss doesn’t always happen all at once.
Sometimes it arrives one ability at a time.
Dad can still do things that surprise me.
Then a moment later, he’ll remind me of something he can no longer do.
That’s one of the hardest parts of caregiving.
The lines aren’t always clear.
People aren’t simply independent or dependent.
Many live somewhere in between.
One moment, they seem capable of navigating life on their own.
The next moment, they need help with something they once did without a second thought.
Last night was a reminder that people are often more complicated than the labels we give them.
Life isn’t always that simple.
Maybe that’s true for all of us.
We all have areas where we’re independent.
We all have areas where we need help.
The difference is that some of those needs are easier to see than others.
It reminded me how quickly things can change.
It also reminded me that God meets us in both places.
In the abilities we still have.
And in the ones we no longer do.
After all, loss doesn’t always happen all at once.
Sometimes it arrives one ability at a time.
🌿 One Dreams Writing — Faith-filled reflections for life’s everyday turning points.