Discipline vs. Compassion

*What the Marine Corps taught me — and what caregiving demands of me now*

“Sometimes the undone chores are the price of unforgettable moments. Love doesn’t live on a schedule.”

In the Marine Corps, discipline came naturally. In caregiving, it nearly broke me.

Transitioning from the Marine Corps to civilian life wasn’t easy, but I entered a field where many of the same skills were needed.

Discipline and adherence to rules were crucial. This transition was smooth, and by the time I retired, that part of me was deeply ingrained in who I am.

Additionally, I’ve always been an organized person.

However, in 2022, I took on an entirely new role: caregiving.

Wow, the rules had all been rewritten. I was definitely out of my comfort zone.

I was used to things being done in a specific way and within a set timeframe. That approach didn’t work here.

At first, it felt like trying to march without any rhythm. It was a bit tough until I found my groove.

One of the hardest lessons for me to accept was that things don’t always follow a strict schedule. Events happen, and you adapt. Just because you’re in the middle of something doesn’t mean you have to drop everything and fix it right away.

This was the toughest lesson for me — I don’t like leaving things unfinished.

I remember watching a movie with my mom several times in a row, the afternoon light filtering through the curtains as we settled into the familiar, worn cushions of her couch.

Meanwhile, the dishes, laundry, and cleaning weren’t getting done. This went against everything I am made of. It’s hard for me to leave things unfinished.

But I will always treasure the time I spent with my mom. I can do the dishes later — they’re not going anywhere.

I don’t even remember which movie we watched. What I do remember is the sound of her laughter.

That’s what caregiving has taught me: to live in the moment and enjoy what you’re doing.

Life is short, and too often we overlook the small things — a story from a parent, a few minutes with family, a glance at the world beyond our narrow view.

The most meaningful moments are often the simplest: time spent with your parents, learning about their lives, and slowing down enough to see the big picture instead of just a small part of it.

Although you might think discipline and compassion are opposites, they are not.

One gives you the strength to push through when things get tough. Compassion offers the perspective needed to understand what truly matters. Together, they are the two rails I walk on.

The Marine in me still values order, but the caregiver in me has learned that love doesn’t follow a schedule.